My heart is broken 💔
The most wonderful man has left this earth far too soon to Liver Cancer.
If ever you needed your day to be awakened in a Cancer clinic in walks this man. I’m sitting there minding my own business and then two names are called for the usual weight:BP check before you see the consultant. Suddenly I see this man walking beside me who says ‘should we dance together down to the weighing room?’ I burst into laughter – this got my attention.
I was weighed and then he was and we sat outside the room. We started talking about cancer and then family. Family was very important to us. The passion I could hear about his children was refreshing. During our conversation something strange happened- I realised that I was laughing in a Cancer clinic for the first time in 9 months! It was 5 months post op so I certainly wasn’t ‘healed’ as they say- physically or mentally. However, this man made me really chuckle.
My name was called again and I went in to see my consultant and thought nothing more of our encounter. After the consultation I was making my way out of the clinic with my son who had gone to park the car earlier, when I saw my ‘clinic dancing partner’. I smiled at him and he stopped me, he said that everyone needed to talk about cancer a bit more, it was too hidden. He asked if I had an email address and at this point I introduced him to my son. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his card and handed it to my son! I was standing there with my hand outreached to receive it 😂 I was intrigued as to why he did that. Later I was to find out that he did it out of respect and courtesy to my son. He didn’t want him to think that he was trying to ‘chat up’ his mum in front of him AND at a Cancer clinic 😂😂
This man was intriguing so 24 hours later I emailed him to reintroduce myself and wished him all the best for the future. Three days later he replied but not with good news about his consultation.
This was the beginning of what became the most wonderful friendship in such a short space of time. Time was precious to him, I thought I understood it then but now he has gone I finally understand just how much time meant to him. They say walk a mile in another man’s shoes, that saying is so true. We can empathise as much as we can but until it happens to us, we will never truly understand.
I’d love to chronicle the whole story but I’m not sure about that- especially now, my heart is truly broken. I never knew how painful it would be but now I know because he can never call me 3-4 times a day, email me, walk with me, laugh with me, he is no longer here😔. Death is so final but not in his world so for that I am happy. Maybe I will see him again as a beautiful butterfly 🦋 in my beloved gardens this year.
I cannot wait…💕🦋💕☺️💕
By Nia Andrews
‘You walk the line and draw your space the world can be unkind a never-ending January rain
I can get inside your head
When everyone else is just giving you promises
And I can be your place to go
A summer holiday just like the ones we used to know
I can get inside your head
I can get inside your head
You thought you had a braver braver skin
That funny tale to self you find has grown so paper thin‘
For the last week or so my diary has been written without the track being played at the time. It hasn’t worked well. This morning I reverted back and everything came to life in my earphones, you, life, self-expression. It all returned.
This track is really deep, soulful, the guitar playing sultry sounds in the background. The truth is, unless we are operating deep inside each other’s minds we exist in a superficial bubble. To know ourselves, to truly know and begin to understand one another, we need to get inside each other’s minds. From here we can build on the multiple layers required for deep, meaningful relationships. Inside the ‘mind’ of this beautiful track I can feel your presence, I can hear and visualise you playing your beloved guitar. You found it very easy to get inside the minds of people you connected with. There was no trickery, just simple use of the human ability to apply the law of attraction on a deeper level. That thing called psychology.
I will never forget you. You touched my life in a way that makes forgetting you impossible ☺️🎸🦋❤️
You are deep ‘inside my head’ 🥰
By Sam Smith
‘You told me not to cry when you were gone
But the feeling’s overwhelming, it’s much too strong
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you
And make sure you’re alright
I’ll take care of you’
I had an enjoyable morning/afternoon but everything reminded me of you.
A change of scenery, space and company but everything still reminded me of you. I visualised a much younger version of you. The setting in a Harry Potter style school was such. Cancer has much to answer for!
When is this story going to end? When will the old and the new stories stop playing out in my mind?
When will I lay next to you? You…
By Doris Day
‘Que será, será
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que será, será
What will be, will be
Que será, será
And so the story goes…
The future truly is not ours to foresee but to live as long as we have breath in our lungs. I am a firm believer in the philosophy, ‘we are who we are’ and ‘it is what it is’. Nothing will ever change my mindset on this way of thinking. The glass is not half full nor half empty, it is half full of water and half full of air- get real! We can dress it up, tear it down, dance around around it or decide to bury our heads in the sand but it will always be so. I am a realist.
This is the diary of a realist, ‘que sera sera’…🦋🥰🦋
‘Let’s go step by step
And brick by brick
I’ll carry the weight
When I’m gone, don’t stop
We can stand here all day
We won’t move
No, not at all’
This is for the warrior in you!
I recall your stories of you not being afraid to challenge people and/or in situations that I would never be brave enough to undertake. I saw you in action on my behalf when I would choose to let it go – you would not! This track is about your incredible bravery and your continuous fight against injustice. Who on earth visits another country and decides to challenge their norm? Only you 😂☺️ I wish I was brave like you, I really do. You had that gallant stature and outlook in life.
You had that ‘we won’t move’ attitude deeply embedded in you. You were simply, you and I miss you so much ❤️🦋❤️🦋❤️🦋❤️🦋❤️🦋❤️🦋
‘When I was young I’d listen to the radio
Waitin’ for my favorite songs
When they played I’d sing along, it made me smile
Those were such happy times and not so long ago
How I wondered where they’d gone
But they’re back again just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well’
Yesterday was D-Day. Surgery is imminent.
As I sat in the Liver Cancer clinic I thought of my ‘clinic dancing partner’. He crossed my mind nearly every second. I reimagined where we sat, where we laughed, walked and talked. I imagined his huge personality brightening up everyone’s experience. For some he would be described as an ‘Earth Angel’. He had a purpose on this earth albeit his time was sadly shortened. I tried to imagine the advice he would give me regarding the acceptance of surgery. In a way I am relieved that this opportunity did not come around when he was still with us. It would have seemed like a blow to him. I would never want him to experience this feeling– everything happens for a reason. Timing is key.
Yesterday was once more..🦋❤️
By Britt Cole
So, the surgeon wanted to see me and see me he did.
Cancer surgery is planned for the next few weeks. I may as well take the plunge to rid my body of this disease that shortens and debilitates so many people’s lives. It has taken the lives of so many people who mean a lot to me. I know if each of them could return to give me advice, they would lovingly encourage me to do the surgery and give myself the best chance.
A chance to ‘live’ again, a chance not all of my loved ones were afforded, another chance to see the beautiful sun rising 🌞🦋❤️
‘As she turned through the pages the tears rolled down her face
I could see her reminiscing, why her life had to be this way
Then she stopped and she came to a page where her diary ends
To smell the scent of an old rose, from her lover I suppose‘
Yesterday I spoke of you as I looked at your photos, it came naturally. This was not my intention.
Today the sun shines, today I recall my box of physical memories, today there are no tears. A beautiful track sung by Case and Joe plays as I write. I do this everyday, I play the track in the background of which my post is named 💖
Today is another day…🦋☺️