‘You will never know how much I love you. But oh you had to go but I’m always thinking ‘bout you. If I could take your place I’d do it a thousand times, now there’s a U-shaped hole in my life,
And oh, I won’t be the same.You taught me to be brave. And although it wasn’t for long. You taught me what love is. No I won’t be the same, you taught me to be brave. And although it wasn’t for long, you taught me what love is’.
I woke up at 3.15am this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. After deciding to browse Twitter I came across a Tweet which mentioned a beautiful talented young lady on BGT, I decided to download the track and listen…
Within the first few lines, the sound of Beth’s voice and oh the beloved guitar 🎸, I was in floods of tears. You came to life all over again in the depth of Beth’s beautiful song which is an original. It was as if you my Clinic Dancing Partner was here with me once more, smiling, laughing and living your best life, all over again. Beth reminded me of the moments when you would instinctively pick up your guitar and begin to strum when you felt inspired, it never annoyed me, in fact I was always mesmerised by it. Whatever I was doing, wherever I was, I would stop and listen to you sing and play. This morning Beth resurrected those feelings which reminded me that you are never far away. Earlier on in the evening I watched the film ‘Crazy Rich Asians’. Much of it reminded me of you, especially the tranquility of the wedding water, the love and the beautiful Lotus flowers- the same flower which you handed me during a hypnosis session earlier this year. Could this be the meaning of the message, your presentation of the white lotus, was I meant to watch this film and hear Beth’s song because you know how much it would mean to me? I will never truly know. As we go through this difficult period of the Covid-19 pandemic, the world is at its mercy and on its knees, I miss you. Very often I envisage your thoughts and how I believe you would of interpreted all that is happening. It would have been a real topic of daily discussions, you were fascinated by life itself and all that it had to give. You were a beautiful soul whom I miss with all my heart.
This morning at 3.15am, Beth Porch, the beautiful Paediatric Nurse not only started to raise funds for the NHS but she brought you back to life for me and reminded me that ‘you taught me what love is’…❤️
Thank you Beth Porch and all the best, thank you for everything you do for us as patients in the wonderful NHS ☺️ ❤️🎸😘
We are fast approaching the end of week 1 of the UK govt lockdown. The advice remains:wash your hands with soap & water, stay indoors unless you need to go out for essentials- food, daily exercise (once a day) & medication, stay TWO metres apart from others and under no circumstances should we congregate anywhere! This is to help reduce the spread and protect the NHS staff & resources which at present, is overly stretched.
So where is the UK population now?Mostly adhering to the advice which is good to see. Long may this continue. Our NHS & other essential workers are out in the world, the supermarket employees, transport, deliveries, pharmacists, emergency services, charities, volunteers-day in, day out helping to keep the country ticking over. The least we can do is to listen to the advice and protect them as they work to look after US. Please listen if you wish to stay alive and that of your loved ones…
What of the people living with long term conditions and Cancer?Earlier in the pandemic, the UK govt pledged that life saving treatment would continue. As we have moved along the scientific curve of COVID-19, this message is continuously under review. Treatment is now dependent on a number of factors and will be determined between the patient and their consultants. I sincerely hope that we can all get some kind of support whilst we continue to walk in the path of Cancer whilst having to now dodge a ‘new normal’ of the COVID-19 ball! A new invisible co-morbidity. Most of us have been here before, that thing called social isolation, some of us are still present but now we have most of the world sitting alongside us. I have noted people not being able to cope with staying indoors together with the necessity of staying away from their friends and loved ones – this is an experience people living with Cancer do, have done and continue to do- day in, day out. This is by no means a critique of anyone, let me be absolutely clear on this, it is a social observation (the psychosocial in me). Perhaps this is where our community of Cancer self help resources can tap in and support people around us who are afraid and under strain with the lockdown. We can because we know, we can because we have, we can because we felt and continue to feel, we can because we know that smell of fear.
‘And when the broken hearted people Living in the world agree, There will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted there is Still a chance that they will see There will be an answer, let it be Let it be, let it be. Yeah There will be an answer, let it be’
There is no song which you are truly worthy of, no love you should be attached to. You have arrived and destroyed lives…
I seriously do not know which I fear more, the Cancer I live with or Corona! This moment feels surreal. At times I find myself asking, ‘Is this real? Am I dreaming or am I dead?’ I just cannot get my head around it. I have watched many apocalyptic films in my lifetime and always found them fascinating but not now. Now it is no Hollywood film set, real lives are at stake and people have sadly lost their lives. They have gone far too soon, may they rest in peace.
I keep wondering what my ‘Clinic Dancing Partner’ would of made of this had he been alive. One thing is for certain, Corona Covid-19 would have been the topic of the day, as he was intrigued by human behaviour. When I feel anxious about the situation I just think of him calming the atmosphere with words of wisdom. I see him approaching me with the beautiful white Lotus flower I recently saw him present to me in my Mindfulness therapy. Was this the message he brought to me? Was this his way of calming the path before the storm? I may never know the answer to this but it gives me a real sense of inner peace when needed 💕🦋